Internet dating for dummies 2016 edition
I deleted Hinge and the League because I wasn’t attracted to the user base. I barely use the remaining apps except for when I’m traveling, or in those darker moments of fear of being alone forever. In closing, all I’ll say is this: In a world where our technology is telling us all of the places to go, things to eat, content to read, and now people to meet and with whom to fall in love, let us not forget to ask the people we already know and love to set us up.Those moments generally occur after negative experiences with love and lust, yet I know intuitively that moments of scarcity aren’t exactly great times to attract the right type of person and partner. What I’ve found to be beneficial is checking in on my feelings every time I use the apps and every time I go on a date, whether from apps or from other means. (If that’s what we want, of course.) I set up my best friend from college with her husband (I met him through a guy I was seeing at the time whom I had met at a dinner party). And if you’re not willing to ask to get set up, or you don’t want a committed partnership, I’d offer this bit of advice: Mind your time on the apps.Out of at least 60 different attendees, exactly one couple went on a date (and two guys became best friends, so I don’t feel bad about that).And then, the universe played a wonderful cosmic joke upon me: The one person I met and was interested in at our very own holiday party was not, in fact, single; he didn’t realize it was a singles group.Most recently, I met an amazing person at an event but found myself reeling after a month of getting to know him and ultimately not being able to be with him.I went on a long-delayed date from an app this past weekend, and while I was doing my best, I was ultimately still sad.Each match is dealt, and can as quickly be played or discarded …but this time, “forever.” Once you swipe left, a match doesn’t show up again (though you can pay to change your mind, sometimes).
Rather than scrolling through a vertical stream of potential matches, mobile apps made the experience like playing cards.
And recently I spent two unexpected hours with my widowed older sister, exchanging stories about our equally hilarious and frustrating shared experiences from the very same apps.
As it turns out, maturity of age doesn’t necessitate mature behavior.
And most pertinently, I’ve done the work outside of the app sphere to figure out what I personally want and how I want to be in a relationship. A dear friend of mine and fellow tech-centric writer and creative, Lori, coined the term “appstinence,” for when we go through spurts of either deleting the dating apps or not using them at all.
Now I find myself walking the line between feeling the need to use the apps in order to optimize my love life (and play where everyone else seems to be playing) and using the apps out of sheer curiosity to see how the products evolve. It’s a period of time that usually follows a disheartening experience (or three) like being stood up (oh, hey, Nick), being unmatched with on the very day of a date (here’s looking at you, Michael), or, worse, being pursued a bit too aggressively by a relative stranger, who now finds himself with your contact information and all of your social media account handles on which to follow you from afar (why isn’t there one block button for all of my social accounts? Appstinence can also follow a more painful experience, like that of being ghosted (when a person decides fairly arbitrarily to stop talking to you or responding to your messages after you’ve had what you thought was a good set of experiences).